March 5: I'm definitely in Korea

The kind of day that is possible to have in Korea, is not possible to have in Canada. I have had "what the Hell?" moments in Canada, but I have NEVER had a whole, "what the Hell?" day.

I can tell when fellow foreigners have had a WTH day. The symptoms include (but are not limited to): excessive giggling, verbal diarrhea, twitching, eyes opened wide, and severe mood swings.

Today I went to my Thurs/Fri school for the first time since late December. I've always felt like an outcast at this school, but today I was determined to go in and make friends. Half the teachers are new, and nobody is teaching the same grade as last year, so it's a good time to take a new approach. I went in smiley and energetic.

I sat in my normal seat in the vice-principal's office. I was promptly told to move. I will now sit in an abandonned classroom, totally alone (damn, makeing friends is going to be harder this way).

My Thursday timetable is as follows:

9:00-9:40 Grade 3
9:50-10:30 Grade 4
11:00-11:40 Grade 5
11:50-12:30 Grade 6

It's a MARATHON of a day, considering MTW I teach five consecutive periods of the SAME grade (and therefore same lesson plan). I was feeling hyper and exhausted when I feel into my chair at 12:30. Unfortunately, they needed to clean my abandonned classroom.

"Please move"

This was getting ridiculous! I went back to the Vice-principal's office and sat at a small table a mile away from everybody else. I did a buttload of photocopying (who knows when I'll be permitted entrance into the V.P's office again?) Some time later the newest, youngest, male teacher approached me.

"Jennifer"
Yes?
"Follow me"
Ok
"Do you speak Korean?"
no
"Oh"

With that, this tratorious man led me directly into the principal's office, and then left me alone with the principal!

The principal NEVER showed ANY interest in me last year!

He motioned me to take a seat, offered me a vitimin C drink, sat directly across from me, and started peppering me with questions, all in Korean.

Every so often, he'd pause and ask, "mola?" (essentially, "you don't understand?") and I'd reply, "ne, mollayo" (that's right, I don't understand).

Then he started saying 'trouble' (in English) over and over again.
"Trouble?" I asked
"Trouble" he replied, and then spelt it out T-R-O-U-B-L-E in case that was my issue.

"Trouble, what?" I asked. He nodded gravely and then took out an English textbook.

He flipped open to a page with tons of entries that looked like this:

apple [a'pul] 아풀 삭과

He proceded to read me about ten entries, underlining with his red pen as he went. All the while, he was looking at me expectingly and talking away in Korean.

FINALLY I had enough "chakkanmanyo" (wait a minute) I called as I raced from his office.

I ran into my co-workers room, "Mrs ___" I whined "help me! The principal's trying to talk to me!"

"What!? (she was instantly as alarmed by this prospect as I was) "why does he want to talk to YOU?"

"I don't know" I whined some more. Sighing, she grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her as we ran back to his office.

"Why don't you know Korean!" she scolded as we ran.

Turns out he wanted to know if I thought teaching the students English would be more effective if I wrote in Korean next to any English I put on the board. I was so flustered at this point I asked Mrs ____ to make up an answer. She answered in the negative and that was that. At least half an hour of my life gone to that simple question!

As we leave the office Mrs____ asks me if I want to go to a staff dinner. I'm a bit flambozzled.. but...Well...it IS my goal to make friends....

A half an hour later we're seated in an expensive beef restaurant. I try to figure out how I'm going to tell them I decided to go back to vegetarianism over the break. I am surrounded by beef. Beef liver, beef stomach lining, and other various pieces of beef are all being fried in the middle of the table.

The matter is resolved when a piece of cooked beef is placed directly in front of me, with a demand of, 'eat this'.

"I'm sorry...I decided to be a vegetarian".

"WHAT?!"

The news circles around the table of twenty people like a wild-fire.

The teacher beside me gives a huff and leaves the room.

Every small side dish without any meat is immediately set in a circle around me.

Before I can stop it, they're teaching each other that I am a 'vegetable-ist'.

The teacher beside me returns with a HUGE platter, containing at least six tons of carrot and cucumber sticks. This is placed directly in front of me, 'because I love you'.

What a production.

Later I was telling Mrs ____ about my time in Thailand. I was telling her about the ladyboys, but I had to stop because I was giving her shivers.

She asked me if I knew of Korea's most famous transvestite.

I confessed my ignorance.

"She is married to a man, WHO is THREE YEARS OLDER" (this is a big deal, because in Korea your spouse and friends should be born in the same year as you, give or take one year maximum)

Conspiritually, I leaned in, "do you know, that my mother's husband is *gasp* THIRTEEN years OLDER than my MOTHER!"

If we had been sitting on chairs she would have fallen off hers.

"NOOO" she exclaims with wide eyes "how did they get married!?!"

This news also circles the table. Everyone drops their current conversations to stare at me.

I nod solemnly at all of them. I am speaking the truth.

The dinner was pretty fun over-all.

But still when I burst into Amanda's apartment at 9:30pm, she knew immediately that I had had a "What the Hell?" day.